Please take the time to read Phoebe’s alternative version of Skellig. She has clearly worked incredibly hard on this piece of writing and has incorporated description, tension and dialogue into her work.
What do you notice about the language that she has used? Is it genre specific? Is her use of dialogue effective? Please feed back in the comments.
Nice
Wow. That is one long but amazing story Phoebe. It must of taken a long time to do, you clearly put lots of effort in and made it high quality work.
Thanks Grace!!!! It did take a long time to do!
well done
When you read through it, there is a part where I wrote “al” instead of “all”. Just wanted to say that.
😮 I was too focused on the story to notice! The descriptions are AMAZING! 😀
This is good, high quality work.
I enjoyed reading this, and it is very descriptive, but at one point it says ‘like a hunted house’. Was this meant to be ‘haunted house’?
Yes it was ment to be “haunted house” not hunted house!!! Thanks for spotting!
Sorry, I didn’t know where to put this. I think there is a problem with the maths for the first clue on the last line, the furthest to the left. I can’t figure out the missing measurement because not enough information is given. That question is crucial to finding out the clue as well.
Star: Your description and use of adjectives and adverbs is very good.
Star: The way you narrate the story is captivating and makes me want to read on.
Wish: You tend to repeat things quite a lot. For example-“Somewhere,” I softly said. I silently placed my finger to my lips and softly grabbed her hand. Dandelions swayed softly in the midsummer breeze.” There you over used softly.
I agree with Catherine, but other than that i think it is very descriptive and made me want to carry on reading!
On the repetition.
Thanks very much for the feedback Catherine and Elpida! This will help me for future writing!
Everyone’s sounds so amazing.